my mind is my own worst enemy

i was sitting on the front steps this morning about to head out for an easy run when one of our current housemates rolled into the drive. abderrahime bouramdane (or abdu as he prefers to be called) was second at boston in 2008 and is simply in a class far ahead of myself when it comes to putting one foot in front of the other as quickly as possible. i thought i detected a slight sly in his smile when he told me he'd be joining me for the run.

taking time off when it's getting close to crunch time is tough. i had a solid week of training last week before catching a flight to calgary for a quick visit with family and a 1525 mile motorcycle ride back to flag. the ride was great...montana, idaho, nevada, utah, arizona. i practiced a good deal of reckless abandonment during the ride and loved every moment of it. i took saturday off and planned on catching a run sunday evening in cedar city utah where i was spending the second night but i was cooked after spending 24 of the previous 36 hours planted on the seat of october sky. whether a rest was deserved or not the doubts began to enter my head. i made it back to flag late monday morning, hit a very solid nap that afternoon before heading out for an evening run. i was stiff, sore, and hurting from the ride. i should have felt shitty and i did. but it didn't matter, the irrational thoughts began...why was i feeling so poor? am i really as fit as i thought i was? will i be ready for this race? am i really cut out for this? it's irrational, illogical and frankly, disturbing thinking.

i was pleasantly surprised when abdu and i set out at an appropriate pace over the first quarter mile of the run this morning. i'd been planning on working a hard 20 on waterline tomorrow and wanted to keep todays miles at an easy 7-minute pace. i don't know who started (really i don't) but we worked the first hill a mile into the run as if it were a hill repeat and the pace and effort never ceased the remainder of the run. we were running 5:34 pace 6 miles in when abdu began to pull away. even if he was 2nd at boston and has a marathon PR of 2:08, i still don't like being broken. i began doubting myself as a runner as he pulled away, no longer able to hear his breathing or footsteps, growing smaller and smaller in the distance. i could have and probably should have shut it off at that point and jogged it in. a hard tempo wasn't even on the drawing boards for the day, i wasn't being smart and knew this type of spontaneous and impulsive running is a major flaw in my training that i'd being doing so well lately to improve. but i'd gotten myself into it and i was going to finish it regardless of the consequences. i maintained the pace the remainder of the run finishing the 10 miles at 5:54 pace with the last 6 miles at 5:34 pace. abdu finished a little less than two minutes ahead of me which means we ran the last 4 miles somewhere around 5:10 pace. crazy. he said it was a hard run but i wonder if that was simply consolation! it was a hard effort and the fastest 10 miles i'd run in over 16 months. i doubted myself during yesterday's run and i doubted myself during today's...my mind is my own worst enemy.

i ran 10 in the evening and not surprisingly managed to keep it at 7 minute pace.

two months ago i thought it would take a small miracle for mike and i to reach the starting line at transrockies healthy, but we're 33 days away and i think our chances are good. i need to be smart the next month. i'm fit, i just need to believe it...

rob